Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Well, all of you were right. I was wrong to put the last of my faith down on a gamble... I'm not too happy with myself right now either. Turns out Pam cheated on me last night (technically two nights ago)... so yeah... I made that last mistake on giving the relationship another spin. I thought the traumatics were over! I loved her, put my faith and trust in her.... loved her more then anyone else has ever loved her (and I know that's a fact) and yet this still happens. It wasn't out of attraction either, just pressure. I can barely stand myself right now. 2006 is not the year for me.... not at all. I'm in dept, trying to get money together, and now (and once again) emotionally crippled. I'm just so tired of it all... I think I'm out of forgiveness... I don't want to be a cold and bitter person, but unless something improves... I don't know what will happen. Moving up to Mount Pleasant should help a little, and I started working on getting my schooling going again today, so that's good... but regardless of the good, the bad happens in the traditional form. I have a stressful day, thena good day, then people like to fuck with Jeff's feelings. Seems to happen everytime I date someone with no ability to turn down head. Oh wait, this is my first time being cheated on, my mistake.

Unless someone has more to share with me. If that's the case, do it now, while I'm still mildly level headed. Right here, right on my blog.... prove to the world I fucked up by loving because sometimes that's how it feels.... like a war againt good boyfriends.... against good people.

I don't want to hear any "I told you so" comments, and I don't want your pity. All I ask for is a few ears willing to listen for the next few days... I know who approved and dissaproved how I re-started the relationship... I just wish I never been in therapy. This never would have happened if I felt no love.

Ever since I could feel, I never felt good for a decent amount of time.


posted @ 4:24 AM

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Grand Master Funk